You're my little dorito
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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