Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
