Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
