some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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