Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
