I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
