I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
