she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
