Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
