I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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