god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
