trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Oh god it's open bar.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize