first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
