I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
