so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
