I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
