Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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