She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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