She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
