He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
