I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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