I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
