You can't motorboat a personality
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Randomize
