What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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