Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
