this beer tastes like vomit already
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
