i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
