if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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