Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
