i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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