I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
