that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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