Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
