Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
