I heard we made out
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
