do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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