he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
