Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
