Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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