two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
