I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
