apparently the secret to your success is patron
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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