i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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