The maid of honor just puked.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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