I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize