can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
