I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
