omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
