girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
