I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
