Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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