we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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