I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
