Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
