God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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