Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Randomize
