Cold hands, warm shart.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
