I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
