when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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