There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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