You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
