my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize