my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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