I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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