meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
